NFL Sunday Quick Picks: Wake Up. Make Your Picks. Ruin Your Sunday.

Another Sunday of football, baby. Will it be miserable? For me, probably. But right now, nobody has thrown a pick, my fantasy team has a chance, and I’m voluntarily waking up at 6:30 to watch the Eagles fall apart in another country. Let’s get into it.

Philadelphia Eagles (2–2) vs Jacksonville Jaguars (3–1) — 6:30 AM PDT / 9:30 AM EDT

Now this is a good matchup for the lads in London. Saquon Barkley is out. DeVonta Smith is out. Lane Johnson just retired, and the Eagles traded their Pro Bowl center, Cam Jurgens. Philadelphia apparently decided losing football games wasn’t enough and started losing employees, too. Jacksonville ranks 11th in rushing through four weeks, and I trust its offense a hell of a lot more than whatever Philly is taking through customs. Eagles are mega buttcheeks. Life is good. Jags take it in London.

Jaguars −7½

Cincinnati Bengals (2–2) vs Miami Dolphins (0–4) — 10:00 AM PDT / 1:00 PM EDT

Ewwwww. Ja’Marr Chase practiced fully Friday but remains questionable with a concussion, so keep an eye on his status. Recent history says the Bengals would find a way to lose this game, but Miami looks more interested in Jeremiah Smith than winning football games. Rightfully so. Cincinnati doesn’t need to be great here. It needs to avoid doing something unbelievably stupid. Bengals. Next.

Bengals −7

Cleveland Browns (3–1) vs New York Jets (1–3) — 10:00 AM PDT / 1:00 PM EDT

Tricky one. Do the Browns keep it going against the one-win Jets? Do we get Seahawks Geno or Raiders Geno? To his credit, Smith has five touchdown passes and no interceptions this season, but he’s also taken twelve sacks. The Jets are averaging just 84 rushing yards per game, ranking 28th, and Breece Hall is out again. That puts plenty on Geno against a Cleveland defense that has gone 49 straight games without allowing a 300-yard passer. Lots of questions. Browns are cool. DAWGS!

Browns ML (+120)

Houston Texans (0–4) vs Tennessee Titans (0–4) — 10:00 AM PDT / 1:00 PM EDT

I mean, c’mon. Somebody has to win this thing. Tennessee has the NFL’s last-ranked offense at 261.3 yards per game, including just 172.3 through the air. Houston scored thirty last week and still lost. If the Texans actually lose this game, they might be the best worst team ever. Texans, and it shouldn’t even be close.

Texans −7½

Indianapolis Colts (2–2) vs Pittsburgh Steelers (2–2) — 10:00 AM PDT / 1:00 PM EDT

Ahhhh. Classic battle of mid. Pittsburgh is fresh off a 27–24 Thursday night loss to Cleveland and has had extra time to sit around thinking about losing to the Browns. That should be enough motivation. Indianapolis got back to .500 last week, but I don’t see the Steelers dropping two straight here. Should be a good game. Give me Pittsburgh. Next.

Steelers ML (−150)

Las Vegas Raiders (3–1) vs New England Patriots (2–2) — 10:00 AM PDT / 1:00 PM EDT

Another tough pick. New England just beat Buffalo in a statement win, with Drake Maye throwing for 269 yards and three touchdowns while adding 54 yards on the ground. Now comes a Raiders team that took Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs the distance and has scored at least 26 points in every game this season.

The Patriots are missing both starting corners, Christian Gonzalez and Carlton Davis III, which is concerning against Kirk Cousins and Brock Bowers. I expect points, and I’m trusting Maye to build on last week. Give me New England to pull away late. Next.

Patriots −3½

Minnesota Vikings (4–0) vs New Orleans Saints (1–3) — 10:00 AM PDT / 1:00 PM EDT

The Saints have been unbelievably disappointing. Minnesota has some killers on defense, and Kyler Murray has been getting it done for the Skol fam. The Vikings held Miami to ten points last week while Aaron Jones ran for 128 yards. They don’t need Kyler to turn every game into a track meet when the defense keeps doing its job. Minnesota gets a dub on the road.

Vikings −2½

New York Giants (3–1) vs Washington Commanders (1–3) — 10:00 AM PDT / 1:00 PM EDT

Jayden Daniels is cleared to return for Washington, which makes this a much more interesting game. The Commanders have played some competitive ball, and their lone win came against the reigning champion Seahawks. The Giants are 3–1, so this isn’t a freebie, but getting Daniels back at home gives Washington a real chance. Another close one. Give me the Commanders.

Commanders ML (−190)

Chicago Bears (3–1) vs Green Bay Packers (2–2) — 10:00 AM PDT / 1:00 PM EDT

Tyson Bagent is starting again, and he deserves some credit: 25-of-34 for 268 yards against the Jets last week. Chicago leads the NFL in rushing at 196.3 yards per game, but Kyle Monangai is out with a toe injury. That’s a big piece missing from what the Bears do best.

D’Andre Swift will have to carry more of the load, and Green Bay needs to make Bagent win this through the air. I see a competitive game, but I’m trusting Jordan Love to give me the good version of himself. Please don’t make me regret typing that. Packers. Next.

Packers +1½

Denver Broncos (2–2) vs Los Angeles Chargers (0–4) — 1:05 PM PDT / 4:05 PM EDT

I hate both of these teams. The Broncos are fraudulent, and watching Bo Nix play football makes me angry. The Chargers have looked like real-life ass. Justin Herbert’s six interceptions are tied for the league lead, and Los Angeles has ten turnovers—also tied for the most.

There is one reason to believe: the Chargers’ defense ranks 11th in EPA per play. If the offense can stop handing out gifts, they can win this. I think Los Angeles finally gets its dub. Chargers. I feel gross.

Chargers +3½

Detroit Lions (2–2) vs Arizona Cardinals (1–3) — 1:25 PM PDT / 4:25 PM EDT

High-scoring matchup here. Detroit just watched Jared Goff throw for 412 yards and still lost 32–26 to Carolina. That defense is making every quarterback look like he has somewhere important to be.

Arizona’s offense has been inconsistent, but this is a chance for Jacoby Brissett to get comfortable and sling that pigskin. Trey McBride should have a day. Marvin Harrison Jr., please remind us you’re still employed. Another close one, but give me Arizona.

Cardinals +5½

San Francisco 49ers (4–0) vs Seattle Seahawks (3–1) — 1:25 PM PDT / 4:25 PM EDT

Not sure why this isn’t the primetime game. The NFL has miserably fucked that up this year. Anyways, Brock Purdy looks nasty: 1,007 passing yards, eleven touchdowns, one interception and a 126.2 passer rating. He still hasn’t been sacked. Four games without getting planted. Must be nice.

George Kittle already has four receiving touchdowns, and Christian McCaffrey has four on the ground. Seattle is good, and winning there won’t be easy, but San Francisco looks like the best team in the league so far. Give me the Niners in another tight one.

49ers +3

Baltimore Ravens (3–1) vs Atlanta Falcons (2–2) — 5:20 PM PDT / 8:20 PM EDT

Booooooo. Lamar Jackson is out with an ankle injury, so we get Snoop Huntley under center. Before we completely bury Baltimore, the Ravens won both of his starts last season. He can keep them in a game.

Still, Atlanta gets yet another primetime appearance, and this is a chance to let Bijan Robinson take over. Make Baltimore chase the game with its backup quarterback instead of letting Derrick Henry run all night. I like the Falcons here.

Falcons −3

Thirteen games, and I’ve willingly put my Sunday in the hands of the Browns, Cardinals and Chargers. My family should probably check on me around halftime. Enjoy the football, keep the remote away from anything breakable, and we’ll see how much of this I stand by tonight.

Good luck and good night.